| Minutes flop by with no reguard to my limited interest. It's been 10:11 for about an hour now. Two more to go, staring up a winding staircase thinking of vertigo. I won't get much sleep tonight. But that's not new. I'll beat my average 5 hours I hope. I think I'll go to Waffle House for breakfast and coffee before the 4 and a half hour trip. I move about six thousand times in the next year. I'm tired of packing. I feel so closterphobic. Sitting in a closed off area behind an intimidating counterspace, DEAD silence and no one around. I can't listen to music, typing makes my fingers frozen, and reading makes me doze. I realize that I complain a lot. I wish I didn't so much. It just kind of ends up that way. I'm a very happy person though. Besides my lathargic boredom, I'm estatic. Change is happening. I see a blue streak up ahead, symbolic of the next few months. I'm excited, and all too tired of updating this rarely used journal.
But I have learned much over the last week of my Spring Semester. I've learned that scholarships are as hard to keep as they are to get. Stress collects itself to hit you all at once. Waffle House is a haven. Sleep is easily replaced with a latte. Scan-trons mock you. Libraries are stereotyped as boring for a damn good reason. A dorm room can hold a lot more than you'd think. My car can't hold as much as I'd like. Gas prices are high - but I have to drive 7 and a half hours nonetheless. Taxes kill minimum wage. Rationality kills us all. | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment   |
| I got dressed up today. Dress pants, simple white tank, long necklace, earrings, HEELS...the whole deal. I had a job interview. It went wonderfully. The shoes were cutting into my feet, but I felt so fantastic the whole day that, it really didn't matter. I just put on my headphones, jammed out to Lucero, and took the long way to class.
It did start to rain, which made the already difficult task of walking in heels even harder. I probably looked like a flamingo or something, but that's ok.
If I get this job I'll have a desk. I'm going to bring in cute pictures and comic strips to hang by my computer. Then, I'll get dressed nice all the time, and carry a fancy shoulder bag, and paint my nails red, and feel like I have my own little space away from my dorm little space.
Speaking of space, I'm hunting for an apartment. Not easy. Either the rent is too high, or it can't be furnished, or the lease won't work.
I realized today how unhealthy I am. I hardly EVER work out anymore. It's not like I'm fat or in need of burning off some calories, but I would like to be healthier. I mean, right now I'm currently consuming an entire bag of Cheetos...the twisted kind (yum). I did have some juice though, oh! And I had two salads today. I don't drink soda or anything but water, milk, and juice. But I don't walk up the hill anymore, but ride the bus instead. I think I should go running. But it's been raining and I'm lazy. I think instead I'll turn on some Elliott Smith, eat the rest of these here (hick-talk) cheetos, and read my new David Sedaris book. That may not be healthy, but it's much more appealing that getting out and doing something with myself.
I have a collage of a tree on my wall that I never finished. I think it's kind of cool though.
I realized that I've been spelling 'gracias' wrong for a long time now. Dang Emily kept distracting me in Spanish for the two years I took it. But hey, that's ok. In a year from now I'll be semi-fluent in Arabic. And, in a year from now, I'll be packing for Egypt. Then, after that, I don't know. I could die, but it'll be fine since I made it to Egypt. Woo. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| I just finished Yann Martel's "Life of Pi." It was fantastic beyond words. I finished it in less than a week, and for such a slow reader like me, that's lightning fast. Yesterday I was abour fourty pages from the conclusion and decided to take the Green Reduced bus down the hill. I figured it would give me time to finish. Well, about about a half hour of sitting alone in the bus depot, I realized with the help of some friends I ran into, that the bloody bus stopped running. Well hell. So, I sat there for another half hour by myself to finish. Afterward, I was struck with such a...how do I describe it? I felt empty yet overfilled. I felt confused and excited. Most of all, I felt like I had just read a wonderful book. I would recommend it to anyone. But, once they finish they MUST call and discuss its shocking ending with me.
I had a terrible calf-cramp last night. I woke up from it, and couldn't understand in my sleepy-state what the heck was hurting so badly. I tried to rub it out, but I was half-asleep and couldn't comprehend anything. I finally stood on it until it stopped. Then, at 5AM I got a call from someone who will soon be dead. No matter how cool those shades were that I snatched...calling that early (two hours after I hit the perverbial hay) is just mean and deserves the ultimate capital punishment. Retribution will be given. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I enjoy wearing skirts. A lot, in fact. It spices the world of blue jeans all the way to the world of brown corduroy. I also enjoy listening to my head phones while on campus. And, when I really want to glide through the world without actually being a part of it, I take off my glasses and let everyone's face morph into a monotomous blur, not unlike reality but I guess it seems more apparent.
My favorite thing in the world is looking at the world at night without my glasses. The sharp reality fades into a fuzzy, blended pointillism-like piece of work. I have found, however, that despite its addictive beauty, I should not drive at night with my glasses off. I can't see a dang thing, and am usually so fascinated with the lights that I don't pay attention to anything else anyway. It's tempting nonetheless. I'm thankful God blessed me with poor eye-sight. People with "perfect" vision can never enjoy the night lights and I can never begin to do them justice in my description.
Sure, I'm anti-social. But I don't see why that's always such a negative title. I mean, I'm happy. Why does society want me to be with people all the time? I love walking around with my headphones on; having the ability to blend into the woodwork and have no attention drawn to myself. I wouldn't do this if I didn't want to, "besides...all I had to do was remove my headphones and participate in what is known as 'real life,' a concept as uninviting as a shampoo cocktail" (David Sedaris - Me Talk Pretty One Day).
Oh, spelling never counts...fyi | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | It's funny the small things you remember from your childhood, the select few, seemingly meaningless, memories of a time gone by. What's even funnier is how they are so easily forgotten, and so easily retrieved. A small thing, a smell or taste, a picture or just a nasalgic feel of forget. I remember the first horror movie I've ever seen. I don't remember how old I was, or even where on the globe I was, but those are not the important parts. I remember watching "The Fly" and being strangely attracted to the dark mystery and the terrifying conclusion. That night I remember having terrible nightmares, and crawling into bed with my parents in tears. Their explanation, and the feel of their sheets and gentle reasurance is the important part: "It's just people in halloween costumes." I must have been no older than five, and yet this is one of the strongest memories from my childhood. Stronger than seeing the Berlin Wall come down, stronger even than the numerous moves from state to state and country to country. I remember the important things, things that pictures or stories can't describe or explain. I remember the gummy worms across the busy highway in Germany. I remember the line outside of Smurf-Land in France. I remember the first song I've ever heard. The tree outside my room when I was three, stealing a ring in kindergarden, scraping my knee but having so much fun, that I didn't care, the first time I went solo on a swing, learning about 'opposite day' from my sister at the bottom of the spiral staircase at my home in Fintherlaunstrasa, Germany (spelling doesn't count), and of course, I remember getting my first 'below average' score on the spelling section on a test in the third grade. I remember the important things. My brain can't hold all the seconds of my life, so it acts as a filter, remembering only what matters. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| "There was the day, the day, but a whirl of dark smoke rose and covered it, crept up and over into the bright field where everything was planted so carefully in orderly rows. That was hell, she knew hell when she saw it. For sixty years she had prayed against remembering him and against losing her soul in the deep pit of hell, and now the things were mingled in one and the thought of him was a smoky cloud from hell that moved and crept in her head.."
-Katherine Anne Porter
This semester I've learned a very important thing that I've tried to deny the past 19 years. People don't have a basic good. No basic sense of right and wrong. They will go out of their way to hurt another. They are self-seeking and more than willing to sacrifice another. Words are empty and trust is foolish. People will say and do anything for their own gain. As long as they get what they want, to hell with everyone else. We have fallen a long way from creation. Women are sluts and men only see sex. Men can "love" someone, but will sacrifice that "love" (haha) for a some play by a woman who has no respect for herself or her body. It's shameful. It's hurtful. It's more real that I'd like to pretend. Humans have no remorse. They don't feel the hurt they inflict. Momentary pleasure is worth more than "love" (whatever the hell that is). I will put on a blindfold, I will pretend I am somewhere else, until I am. I will leave, I will get to Egypt. I will stay there. I will be happy knowing that I will never have to come back. I will be happy in knowing the only place you will see me again is while watching the news. You will see me in D.C. You will see me in Iraq. You will see me where I belong, anywhere but here. I should not have torn up that letter. All that I want is for you to feel the pain you inflicted upon me. All that I want is for you to realize the mistake you have made. You will realize it. You always do. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| I've decided that people suck. Well, a lot of people suck. Most people. But anyway.. school is going good I guess. Not downloading music is killing me. Megan and I have to drive to Panara Bread for their wireless to download the essentials. We went tonight after I went running. I ate a bunch of peanut butter. Later, I read the nutritional facts and two tablespoons has 190 calories. I probably ate about 10 tablespoons, so yeah, freshman fifteen. Actually, I found out that I lost 4lbs. That sucks. No matter what I eat I lose it because of that dang hill I have to walk up everyday. But, I need some sleep.
P.S. Megan is playing old episodes of Madeline....kill me. | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| The Bravery concert was incredible. I must say, however, that Maximo Park stole the show. People in Planes was very good as well. Here are some pictures:
( Concert pics ) | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | I start my second week of classes tomorrow. So far I'm only a little bit stressed (Geology...). I sent a letter today. I feel a lot better about it now. Usually I write letters to people being completely honest but I never send them. I just do it for myself. But this time I figured I'd share some enlightenment to someone who really needs to hear it. There really isn't anything going on right now. Colin is coming this weekend and I'm very excited about that. There's a game but I probably won't go. I'll go to the one the week after. Then, the next week, I'm finally going home. I miss my cat! My dad was talking to me on the phone and Kayanne heard my voice and started jumping up on his lap trying to get close to the phone. She's my baby!! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Well, only a week before I move in at Fayetteville. I started packing everything up. It's going to be hard throwing so much away. The day before I move in I'm going to Six Flags with Emily. I'm excited about that. My last day working at the Red Fern was the 6th. It was a good job but I'm glad I don't have to do it anymore. They did offer me a job when I'm home, though. So I guess I'll work when I'm back for Christmas break and next summer. But the last weeks have been bittersweet. Mostly bitter actually. It's scary how people can let you down and disappoint you. I've been wanting to listen to Dashboard lately if that says anything! But once I leave I won't have to deal with any of it anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'm going to miss my friends a lot. But I've realized that the number of friends I have in Mountain Home is less than I expected to miss. Anyway, Emily's sister has the same locker I had at ol' MHHS. I thought that was kind of neat. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| This summer has been so boring! I don't even have anything to say in this update! Hmm.. well, here's some of my boring life:
Monday (my day off):
-get out of bed around, oh...1:00ish
-walk, that's right, WALK to Hastings
-realize that I'm an idiot, call Emily to pick me up
-meet Emily and Dustin
-go eat
-watch TV
-beat up Dustin
-take a shower, take a nap
-watch people eat at Blossom
-hang out in a parking lot with Seth, Dustin, & Diana
-sit at my computer
From here it's all guessing. I think I'll talk on MSN for a while, then go to bed. Yeah, my life is pretty sad.. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Today was a good day. I'm starting to really love Mondays (it's the only day I have off work). I woke up early to go to the firing range to fire a gun for the first time. I really stunk at it, but it was a lot of fun. My dad was so nervous, me having a gun and all. But it was just a really good time. Then I came home and fell asleep for a few hours. Then...I FINALLY got to see "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory". I really enjoyed it. I was the only one laughing most of the time though... but that's ok! It was great. I was a little disappointed with the umpa-lumpas, but I was really happy with everything else. I love how they explained more of the back story. Tim Burton took it farther than the original. I want to read the book, but I say that about a lot of book and never get around to actually doing it. I saw another trailer for "The Corpse Bride" today, and dang..I'm really excited. Well, I doubt tomorrow will be as good as today (I have to work) but I'll keep my hopes up. | | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment |
| Not much is new, Seth beat me at chess...er. Rematch tomorrow. At least I can beat him up, he's a gimp. I've been playing with my new camera a lot. Work sucked today. It seems like everyone is having their wisdom teeth taken out in the next month. Bryan has his tomorrow, Cole on Friday, and Emily in August. Emily ditched me to go to Kansas. She thinks she got out of going to see "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" with me...but she's wrong! I'll see it, hopefully, Friday when it comes out. But that depends on how late I have to stay at the fern. If I can't see it Friday, then I'll go later when Emily gets back, wohahaha.
I went to the lake on Sunday after work to go swimming. We were finished with swimming and ready to go pick up Colin when his older brother drove by on his, well let's just say "vintage", boat. We were stuck in the lake until a ranger drove by and, of course, it was Coach Paden. They towed us back to the dock where I got pushed in with all my clothes on. Well, here are some pictures I took with Seth, Dustin, and Diana...
( Read more... )
That's why Seth is a gimp.
( Read more... ) | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| hm, what to say? I ordered my digital camera (finally) and it should be in later this week. I got a 128mb memory stick with it. Anyone who knows about that kind of stuff: how much is that? I feel like I live at the Red Fern now. And days like today make me really regret it. I only make $12 in tips today. But then again some nights I'll walk out with over a hundred. It just depends.
I watched "What About Bob" at Colin's last night. It was actually really funny. Dang I have nothing new to say. "War of the Worlds" was amazing. I really enjoyed it. I guess I'll go watch "Nightmare Before Christmas", nothing else to do. | | comments: 11 comments or Leave a comment |
| | I'm back. Branson was a lot of fun. We went to White Water with Emily and her sisters. Then a little shopping, a little Olive Garden, and some R&R. It's been SO good not having to go to work. I am really dreading having to go in tomorrow. I work the long shift too...blah. Fayetteville was good. The orientation sucked; it was so bloody boring. But we had fun when we weren't forced to endure really dangerously happy people. I ended up declaring my major in International Relations. Then I want a minor in Middle East Studies but that'll depend on if I can handle Arabic. I have 16 hours on my schedule that I'm a little worried about. I have honors Comp1, western civ, geology and a lab, geography (emerging nations), and art history. I went to www.ratemyprofessors.com and found out some discouraging things about some of my professors. I suppose we'll just see how things go. I think class will be a welcome change to being a waitress. | | comments: 7 comments or Leave a comment |
| Today at the Fern was so busy. Father's day killed me. But I averaged $15/hour which makes it worth it. So I came home and ate a pint of Bryers ice cream. Yum. Now, since I am sticky from spilling soda and smell like onion batter, fish, and bleach, I'm going to go take a long hot shower.
I'm leaving for Branson in the morning. Megan and I are going to stay with Emily and her famiy in their condo. Then I have to work on Tuesday but leave for Fayetteville for orientation on Wednesday. I'll be there until Friday so I get most of the week off, which is REALLY nice for a change. Well, I stink.. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| |
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
kimber_leigh31's journal